Thursday, April 30, 2009

My life, the swine flu, and gay marriage, oh my!


So as you all know... and have heard on every radio station and tv channel this soon to be "pandemic" of the swine flu is speading. Over 9 countries now.. and it has entered Maine, Kennebec county... and the confirmed case was just released. It was in the same hospital I was just in.. the one where I just spent 24+ hours in isolation where people had to come to me in gloves/gowns. They said that because of my past history with infections but it made me wonder, are those people who have the swine flu ... do they feel like that.. like they are a victim of the world, a "goblin," a disgrace so to speak where people can only enter a room with gloves/gowns/masks on and can never feel another person's touch? As someone on facebook said.. this will be the start of things.. and it relates to a reading in Genesis.. and I just think to myself, what is happening? Is it this years version of the bird flu? Perhaps, but why does it seem to be effecting so many more people and why of all people did a child have to die because of it? Hunger, Aids, and other diseases kill people -- whether man, woman or child each day but still, it is sad to see a child fall first victim to this virus. So me being the scared one I am, I wonder.. what the hell was I exposed to? The swine flu while I was there? The fucking crazy swine flu? Every room was under procautions above and beyond standard... I guess I just didnt think of it that way that something was up. I woke up this morning, was sick and had a 101.2 fever before I even knew where the Kennebec county case was confirmed and once I heard that all I could think of was Rick, and how bad his immune system is. The regular flu could kill him let alone something like this. I started crying right there. I took some medications.. a cocktail I wont get into... but the fever is down, my stomach is empty but not hungry.. just very queasy. It will pass... they always say it will. Mind over matter, mind over matter... I figure if I use it as a mantra it will work.

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So Maine did something monumental today and I dont care honestly if you agree with me or not, but same sex marriages and legal rights were brought into legislation! I am thrilled!! It is a huge step, not sure how much farther it will get but getting this far is such a large step in the RIGHT direction. Let me explain one thing. I am Catholic and dont question my beliefs, save yourself the time because all you will end up doing is pissing me off. Step back and dont throw the Bible into my face either. I myself personally believe that everyone was given the right to live and they should be given the same rights when it comes to who they want to love and be with. Does that make me something horrible? A bad Catholic? Perhaps but at the end of the day, I dont care. I want everyone to be happy... like I have said before and I will constantly back... love is hard enough to find and if you find it, hold onto it and never let go. On my personal judgement day will this be the deciding fact on whether or not I get into Heaven? If it is... then I'm sorry to say, maybe it's a place I don't want to go. Why can't people just let everyone live in equality? And why cant those who disagree keep out of it. My brothers best friend is gay and guess what, I love him as if he were blood and him to me, and if me loving him makes me a bad person because of his sexual preference.. then what of me? I can honestly say, I dont care.
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I took today off from work... the doctor originally wanted me to take next week off entirely until I had my neurology appointment but I got her to give me the okay to go back Sunday which is a blessing. We really need the money for the wedding. I mean, Rick and I are doing well, we just need to get everything saved up. I am excited, scared, nervous. In sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live... those are serious vows and if I am making that pledge in front of everyone, our family and friends and God, I want everything to be perfect. The planning is going well though and we are etching away at our ceremony and the readings. I am thrilled to be getting married in my childhood church, St. Augustines. My Memere would be so proud and there will be her rosary...at the base of my bouquet. Im not walking down that aisle without her. Just got teary. I miss her and need to bring flowers to her grave, along with my brother Adam's. I tend to them at least once a month when the weather is nice and its time. Maybe this weekend. I need to talk to her too and I do it best while there.So this is a huge blog but it is what it is. I just want to thank those who kept me company via AIM and text while I was waiting in the emergency room and while I was in my hospital room, alone and scared. And thanks of course to you all who have said prayers and have sent warm wishes, you keep me going.

"This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"
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~Jill Sara~

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