Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Its been forever!

It feels like its been forever since I updated so let me tell you whats been going on! School has been going well, Ive been getting some pretty decent grades (with the exception of 1) so Im happy that all of my hard work has been paying off. My family is doing well, I see them at least once a week and I swear Im always on the phone with them haha. Oh well.

This past Sunday Rick and I ventured into Boston for a Metallica/Godsmack concert. Now, let me tell you how amazing that was. Godsmack.. oh goodlord. How hot is Sully? It was a great experience. I had never been to a heavy metal concert before so it was quite a change. The day in Boston kind of sucked though. The weather was just rain rain rain and that bummed us out a bit because I mean walking in Boston while its cold and rainy doesnt really make for an exciting day. We went to the science museum and we took some pictures of dinosaurs, this thing from Star Wars and DNA (rock on, I know. ) We then went to Quincy Market but by then it was almost downpouring so Rick and I hopped on the T, went back to South Station and caught a bite to eat before the concert. We ended up getting back in Waterville the next morning around 3 am. It was a pretty great day.

So i have been taking these meds for almost 2 weeks now and they are starting to adjust to my body because Im not getting as sick as i was before. Thank god!!!!!!

Flash is getting so big, I feel like a mommy.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Long weekend

Well, its Columbus day and I have no school. I have to work at Charlies at 430 but its okay, I need the money in the worst way. I have bills to pay and Christmas is in about 2 months so I need to get going on that.

Friday I received my results for the blood tests I had about a month ago and I have low thyroid and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Great. They are sending me two prescriptions for medications that should start treating both issues. Im a bit scared... okay, Im lying. Im scared out of my mind but Im glad they finally figured out what is wrong with me. After all, its only been, what, 8 months?

Saturday I worked at Charlies from 8-12 then I worked at DQ 1230-6. Courtney called me and told me that one of our friends Sean got into a pretty bad car accident. I was shocked. I couldnt cry, I couldnt do anything. I was just in this state of shock and I didnt know what to do or what to say. I felt horrible because she was so upset, which I can understand, and I was just.. not responsive. Its like, I knew I heard what she said but I couldnt internalize it. It ended up hitting me that night when on the 10 oclock news I saw the car... saw the accident. Emotions overcame me and since then they have not stopped. Sean, we love you and all of us are praying.

Sunday Rick and I both had the day off together. Thank God we have a single day where we both dont have to work or dont have class. We ended up cleaning the apartment better than its ever been cleaned before. Seriously, its unreal. We packed up all of our laundry, which was like 5 bags full and left for Augusta around 130. We went to his dads to do laundry and then we went and hung out at my parents. We watched the game, ate dinner, played Halo with Joel and Tyler and thats about it. We left there around 7:45 and when we got home we put away all the laundry, cleaned up a bit after that, and I watched Desperate Housewifes. What a dork I am.

Well, thats all. I have about 4 hours until I have to leave and I have a lot of homework to do so Im going to get at it!


Friday, October 08, 2004

Cant Sleep!

Its about midnight and yeah, Im not in bed AGAIN! Blah. Its not like I have too busy of a day tomorrow, I have Human Development from 10-1245, then I have to run some errands and then Im working 330-8. Lovely day.

Its weird that when I have to work at Charlies I dread it. I like the job, I guess Im just not completely comfortable there yet.

Ricks not feeling well :( my poor baby. He went to bed at like 9 so Im hoping he gets enough sleep to make him feel better. Hes too friggin cute, he fell asleep listening to music, all snuggled up with the electric blanket. *sappy sigh* I won the jackpot with that one.

So this is night #2 that Ive stayed up talking online, mostly with girls from home, primarily Courtney. What a nut that girl is. Im missing my girls from home, but many will be around town in the next couple of weeks so Im pleased with that.

JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE BELLS :) I am so pumped for Christmas its not even funny. Yeah, im nuts and am being completely random tonight. rock on.

Well, I guess Im going to call it a night

*In a moment, everything can change*

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Sometimes I tell myself Im weak, and lately, its been often.

Its been about a year and a half since my memere passed away and I feel as though Im still not over it. People tell me that its normal and I should be moving on but I cant. I just cant. My Memere was the only grandparent Ive ever known, biologically speaking. My fathers mother died before I was born and his father wants nothing to do with our family. My mothers father died before I was born as well, so my Memere was the only grandparent Ive ever known. Its not just that but she lived behind my house for over ten years of my life, she was something extremely special to me and I know she was special to my family as well.

Today I got out of work at 3 and didnt have to be at class until 4 so I headed to the cemetary. I went and cleaned off my brothers grave, along with my memeres and peperes. About 2 months ago I found that Adams urn was missing, which made me furious! Grr. When I went today there were flowers there that my father had left and I took a bundle from my Memere's urn and placed it in the ground above Adam's headstone. I know she would understand, hes just a baby. While I was there I just talked to her...and I started to cry. It made me feel so weak but it was something that I couldnt control. Since shes passed away Ive shunned away from the church, where I was brought up... Ive just shyed away from everything that has to do with religion because I was.. and still am a bit angry. Why cant I get over this?? Grieving I thought didnt take years... but I guess only time will tell.

"Seen that ray of light
and it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
Took this moment to my dreams
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark
I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me "

Sunday, October 03, 2004

You give me fever...

...and thats what I had today a fever!! Bummer. Rick and I did a bunch of stuff today and I think I might have overdone it just a bit. We dropped off laundry at his fathers and then we went apple picking, shopping, and then to my parents house. When I got to my parents I felt pretty bad but lately, Im getting used to it. There hasnt been a day that has gone by in the past few weeks where I havent felt completely shitty. My mom insisted that I take my temp so I did and it was over 100. Lovely. Got to love that.

Why the hell do I stress out so much? I dont even realize that Im stressing out. Last week I had 3 exams, American Government, Principles of Management, and Biology Lecture. I think I did alright on Bio, but for the other 2, I might need a miracle people. I had to work 9-3 at DQ on Tuesday and I left at 11, I felt so horrible it was unbelieveable. Everyone who I saw that morning asked me what was wrong so I guess people could tell. Blah. I just wish I could learn how to de-stress myself you know?

Im waiting for news from the doctor about all my blood work. My MRI came back normal *thank God* but they said they had to send away for my blood work and it will be another week or so until I get it. Im not pleased at all because I want to figure out what the hell is going on with me.

Lately, a lot has been going on with me and no one really knows.. or understands for that matter. I was thinking that maybe I needed to go to a counselor or something and me admitting that makes me feel like hey, Im fucked up. Its not that Im you know, thinking of doing anything drastic but there are things that Im angry about, things that I need to vent to someone and I would prefer them to not know my friends or family and just them help me. A friend of mine told me that maybe I should talk to a friend about it, and I do talk to them, its not that. I just feel as though I need to talk to someone else....

What to do. What to do.

Well, I guess I'll go work on my lab report or something.