Saturday, February 21, 2009

I had the best Wednesday EVER!

I had a great Wednesday with my mother and that is what I feel like talking about right now because I have some stuff going on in my mind that is kind of bringing me down so I figured if I talked about something exciting it might brighten my mood!

My mommy and I went to and BOUGHT, yes, BOUGHT my wedding gown!!!

It is amazing and it is perfect. The managers were complimenting me and actually the family next to us who was also having someone in their life try on gowns complimented me in it and said it was the best one I tried on and that I looked like a goddess. It was probably one of the best compliments I have ever received from a complete stranger in my life, aside from one I received years ago. So after I had the gown on, and the veil on my head the waterworks started on me and I knew it, that it was the dress. We packed it up, thanks to my mom, and brought it home. I had my Maid of Honor Amy come right to my parents house to see me in it and she couldnt believe how well it fit me right of the rack. It will need to be hemmed a bit, understandably because I'm 5'2" but the dress is fantastic. I literally can NOT gain a single pound and in the past 2 weeks I have lost 15 and am going to continue to go that way. I won't mind paying to alter to have the dress altered if I lose weight, I REFUSE to have it altered because I have gained. It just is NOT an option. Oh and my mommy got her dress as well and it is stunning and the pictures are going to be glorious. I am so thrilled. I think I was more excited to see her in her dress than I was in mine!! I couldnt have been blessed with a better mother who made my wedding gown dream come true. I love you not just for buying me the gown, but for the huge amount of support you have given me through all the ups and downs over the past couple of years.

*******My new shift at work starts tomorrow and I am nervous. I know people in my pod so I am happy with that but I am going in with poor scores I think... and I want to make my new coach proud and I am nervous. It is probably just a normal feeling when it comes to switching around. This transition I had from training to my first team was great, my coach Ryan and Senior Rep Chris were VERY helpful and didnt mind answering any question no matter how random and I was blessed in that aspect. I hope this same environment occurs with my new group*******

Wedding wise things are coming along. We received the reception contract, booked the DJ, booked the cake, booked the salon for the wedding day, I HAVE the most AMAZING dress ever, I have all my bridesmaids including my 2 best friends, my Maid of Honor Amy and my Matron of Honor Jennifer, who is also my future sister in law, all our groomsmen (one of which is my brother so I am thrilled and thankful Rick chose him years ago because Joel is one of my #1 priorities in life, I love him to death), we have our invitations picked out, ordered the custom unity candle, the custom guest book and pen, cake topper, the guest list semi finalized, and most of the decor taken care of like our centerpieces and such. We just need to look over wedding bands and stuff but like Ive said before we do have time! Things are falling into place. I cant wait to get married... I hope Rick's ready!
And thats about it. I just cleaned the fish tank, took care of the rest of the animals and I just need to relax a bit... lots going on in my head. It happens!

Valentines Day Isnt Just for Lovers

Happy Valentines Day everyone, those who are married, divorced, single any one! This is a day just to show love to those in your life that you love and it is great that Rick and I celebrated our 6th one together today. We didnt do anything over the top, we went and spent time with his Nana and family and then went to my parents for a bit. I made a simple dinner and we played some games, shared some drinks... and now I am watching a movie before I hit the hay. We didnt go all out and buy gifts this year because we are paying for things for the wedding which is rapidly approaching and we just bought 2 new phones through Tmobile so I would rather spend our money wisely, especially right now.

Exactly... in 6 years and 1 hour... will be the date my Memere passed away. It is so hard because I miss her and going through all this wedding stuff makes me miss her that much more. Each day gets easier but with all this sort of 'right of passage' being planned she is greatly missed.
This is my last week working my current schedule and then starting the 22nd I am working 5 days a week instead of 4. I'm not thrilled but it could be worse. Maybe my new group of people I work with will like me. I hope so, I think I am a nice girl, you know? Oh well.

My chest is starting to feel better, still burns though which is irritating but I will survive. The antibiotics are making my stomach in knots pretty much 24/7 until I am finished with them. Ah.
Alright well I need to finish the movie.. relax a bit and get stuff ready for the morning.

Love to all, especially to you Memere. Miss you more than you know.

Original Post date 2/14/09

before you

my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason. ….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything ~ New Moon

It has been awhile since I have written so I figured that I might as well take a moment and write some stuff down. Work is crazy and I find myself getting headaches constantly, not because of listening to angry people on the phones or searching for answers to questions that I honestly have no idea what the answers are.. but looking at the damn computer like that without my glasses has been killing my head. I couldnt find them ANYWHERE and then boom, I found them in my tissue box. Dont ask me how the hell they got there but I am so happy I found them. I hope this coming week will be better now that I have them headache wise. When it comes to dealing with angry people, I will be fine with it but sometimes it is nice to get a chance to get off the phones at work. I would so rather be teaching classes and stuff but of course in order to get to that point I need to know my stuff and put in the time so I can move forward in the company. I am a work in progess.

Saturday was horrible. I went with my brother and we put our cat Tom down. I cried for hours after because we both opted to stay in the room until he was gone. He was going into kidney failure and had lost most of the fur on his head and it was progessing down his neck.. so my mom decided that it was time and the vet reaffirmed that choice when he saw Tom. I looked into Tom's eyes as the doc was getting ready to give him the injection and I just kept repeating 'I love you, go sleep, I love you, take care of Cher, I love you, I love you' and then... he passed. I tear up even writing this shit right now. He lived a long and happy life but saying goodbye is never easy, even when you know... that it is the best decision. Having an animal suffer is never okay and I knew he would be if we prolonged it. I will miss him, very much so. See you in Heaven Tom. I Love you so so much.

In 9 months Rick and I are getting married, it is insane. Amy slapped me in the face with reality that hey, I am going to be a wife etc and that I have a handful of stuff to do. We have the reception site, ceremony location, caterer, cake baker, and possibly a photographer and dj -- right now those are the 2 things I am looking to secure because they are very important. I also need to get down to Portland to look at dresses with my mom and try some on, maybe even find the *one* and take a look at bridesmaids dresses. I think for the first time to try on dresses I want to be just my mom and I then I will go down with my ladies. It's exciting and makes me nervous all at the same time, I hope I find one that I LOVE. I also wrote the engagement announcement which we need to get submitted to the paper and we have already picked out our invitations so I have pretty much priced out things. I like to have everything on paper and seeing totals so I have some sort of idea of what I am getting into, haha. Its also good that Rick and I have bought most of our decorations for the reception already so thats one aspect we dont have to really worry about. I love our theme oh so so so much I can't wait! We have lots to do still but we have done alright so far!

I never would have imagined how much effort would go into a day to celebrate Rick and my love... and all I can honestly think about is wanting it to happen so him and I can move into the next real step of our lives together, as man and wife. Wow. Maybe the cold feet moments are over? haha. Alright I am going to keep watching one of the best movies ever and am going to look at starting some wedding registries and possibly more vows/readings even though I have picked out some!

Greys Anatomy is 2 hours tonight, I'm excited. Crazy how the smallest things can make me happy!

original post date 2/5/09