Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Flash has arrived!

Thats right, you read that right! My beloved kitty Flash is here! After some persuasion from my mother, the people let me take him a few days early :) Hes a riot let me tell you. My brother loves him, which is good, so Im hoping now that I have a kitty, Joel will be more apt to come visit and all, especially where I dont see him nearly enough.

Im so stressed out its making me sick, literally. I left work today 4 hours early. Its like, right now I just cant STAND stress. Ive been getting these really horrible headaches and it just seems like Im fighting a losing battle you know? Joel keeps on telling me to take vitamin c capsules lol, hes a fruit.

I have 3 exams this week. Today I had an American Government one, which kicked my ass. I felt like I studied for hours and hours on end and I really dont feel I did any better than a C maybe, if Im lucky. On Thursday I have 2, Biology Lecture and then Principles of Management. I feel Im pretty set for Bio, but for management, oh goodlord. I made a zillion notecards the other night while working so I should start studying them but its just like, I cant. Blah.

Courtneys coming home this weekend for the cony homecoming game so I hope I get to see her. Danielle was home last weekend and we hung out for a bit, watched tv, nothing too exciting, but I was so drained. I felt like I had hours and hours of work to do and no time to do it.

Well, Im talking to a zillion people here so im going to get going!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

in a moment...

everything can change...

Its been about 10 days since I last wrote anything, probably due to the fact that Im extremely busy and I barely have enough time to do anything else besides go to school, do homework, work, and attempt to keep my life sane.

Let me just update you on key parts of my life!

We celebrated our 2 year anniversary on the 13th! It was an exciting experience, especially where I have never been with anyone for so long. It has taken a lot of effort for us both to get to where we are today. This past weekend though him and I really just had a bad time. We fought so bad to the point where I threw up my hands, cried my eyes out, and left because I just didnt know what else to do. It frustrated me so much because I feel as though I have changed everything bad about myself to make myself a better person for Rick and sometimes I feel as though it is not a reciprocated thing you know? Im selfish. Yes. And I do expect things to change over night but I guess that is not how the world works you know? Him and I are fine now, which is the good news, but Im learning that as the months pass him and I will learn how to better deal with certain things amongst ourselves.

Viva Las Vegas!! My mom left for Vegas for a business trip yesterday and she sounds like she is having a blast so Im mucho happy for her. She should be back Friday morning. Joels a riot, hes really growing up to be a funny guy, which im happy about because it gives me someone to go to who can understand me on a certain level. My dad is a big sweetie. On Tuesday I had my MRI which was so horrible, I will NEVER NEVER NEVER have one again, it hurt sooooooooooooo bad. My dad ended up coming with me to Lewiston to have it so I didnt have to be alone. Im so scared about this whole doctor issue thing that I really dont want to go anymore, but I need to learn what is wrong.

Work is going alright. Im not working much at DQ anymore, and the only draw back of that is that I dont see the people I like there, which is a major bummer. Im hoping Jenna and I can hang out a bit, especially where are apartments are about a mile apart. I start Charlies reception on Friday night and Im petrified!!!!! I hope it goes well, and if it doesnt, then what can I do right? School is hectic and I feel as though Im always in class and always reading or making note cards but I keep on telling myself... 2 more years... 2 more years...

Well, I should get to bed where I open at DQ tomorrow, 9-1215. Then I have Bio Lecture 1-345 and then Principles of Management 4-645. Oh great. I hate Thursdays.

- Jill

Sunday, September 05, 2004

one of those days..

Today was an okay day I guess. I didnt have to work thanks to Joe, so this morning I made sure that I brought him some cookies that I baked for him last night. I was very happy about that.. but then as the day went on... it just seemed like I got more and more sad. I really didnt feel like being around anyone and I wanted to go to bed and sleep the whole day away. Everything that has been going on lately has just finally caught up with me and has just bogged me down emotionally. Rick has been amazing through it all, but I feel horrible because when Im sad he becomes worried that it is his fault, and its not. Rick, I love you. Its not you I promise.

Sometimes I wish I could just be happy all the time, not be this sad person that I feel has taken over me these past couple of days. Im not depressed.. well at least I dont think so, but I just have been down and Ive tried so hard to get back up and alright, but I havent quite reached that goal. Im still trying though. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Today I went to go see Wicker Park with my mom :) It was a blast, shes such an awesome lady. It was a great movie too so that was tres great. Josh Hartnett, mmm :) Besides the over amounts of hottie eye candy, the movie wasnt too bad and had me on the edge for a bit. Im so smart though, I pieced it all together. It was really nice though to spend some time with my mom, just her and I. It hasnt happened much lately, and Im glad that we spent time together today.

Tomorrow my Nana and Grampy are having a cookout around noon and my family is going and so arent we. Im not really looking forward to it, which must sound awful, but Im not. Its not that Im unhappy to see my family but as of late.. there has come this point that I just want it to be Rick and I some days. I dont think him and I have had one day that it has just been a 'date' day or something you know? I must sound dumb, especially where him and I are living together and we see each other constantly, but sometimes you need to do something special with one another, or do nothing more than watch movies and chill out all day you know?? I could be asking for too much.. who knows.

Well, I should get to bed...


Saturday, September 04, 2004

when it rains, it pours

Its been awhile... almost over 3 weeks since I have last updated. The past month has been pretty great. I hung out with my girls and played poker :) We had a blast.. or at least I did. Im not the best at the game but we are going to make sure we play again whenever we all are home and whatnot.

School started this past Monday and I havent stopped stressing out since. Work scheduled me 35 hours, and I got another job at Charlies Motor Mall, doing reception :) Im so pumped that I got that job because for the longest time I have been searching for a desk job. I like DQ, yeah, but with this I can be promoted and I like knowing that my job isnt just a dead end job. School seems alright, wicked hard though. Im not quite sure how Im going to pull it off, but Im sure going to try. My biology lecture seems great, I love it already. Lab blows. Management is kind of lame, but the teacher is a froot loop to say the least. Human Development is okay.. and same with Government. I have such a full load. I was planning on volunteering at the hospital on Sundays but Im not sure if I will have the time. My parents said not to work more than 25 hours a week.. and Im really pushing it.

I got some of my blood results back and Im petrified to say the least. Rick says not to worry and to keep my chin up but its so fucking hard. I dont even think he can begin to understand how scary hearing that stuff can be. I can deal with low thyroid, and this whole polycystic ovary disease and the chance of not having children, but a tumor too... Im about done. I dont know and I PRAY that theres nothing there, but its always me to assume the worst and Im trying to change that but I guess one thing at a time. The worst part of all of this is waiting. I have to wait until the 14th for my MRI. Blah. I feel like a ticking time bomb. I know that I must be overreacting but thats kind of how I feel. Im just me...

Well, Joe took my shift tomorrow so I have it off, Thank goodness for that child, he was my lifesaver. I baked him cookies :)

Its almost 1 so I should get some much needed rest...