Tuesday, August 17, 2004

too tired

I havent updated in a few days so I'll just give a little update before I head to bed.

This weekend on Saturday I hung out with Amy, Danielle, and Courtney. We met at the beach then hung out for a bit at Danielles. It was nice getting to see some of my friends again before school starts because I dont think that I will see them as often as I hope. On Sunday Joel, Erica, Tyler, Nharra, Luc, Phil, Eric, Jenna, Josh and Jennifer came up to watch wrestling. We ordered 9 pizzas and everyone stayed over until about 11, except for Joel who stayed the night.

Other than that all I have done is work it feels like. Eh. Its okay I guess. I need the money. I have had a couple of job interviews and Im waiting to hear from them because when winter comes around I will need a place that can give me more hours. Blah. I am so tired, I need rest!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Day off spent at the doctors

Hey :)

Today was my endocrinologist appointment in Lewiston. I was nervous as all hell, but it went alright. I have to have more blood drawn and a few more tests done before they can start treating this whole thing. Eh. I wish none of this ever happened but what can you do right?

I have a job interview on Friday for a receptionist position. Its for 20-25 hours a week, which will be great in the winter because DQ cuts hours majorly and in the summer I can work 20 or so hours at DQ and at the other job. Hopefully I get it, but I wont get my hopes up. Last time I did that I didnt get the job and was bummed about it.

The past couple of nights I havent been able to sleep well. I just feel really sick. I dont know what is going on but whatever it is, I hope it subsides soon. I hate being sick, and I love sleeping, so mixing the two just doesnt work you know?

Well, Im going to get going and enjoy the rest of my day off!

*Jill

Sunday, August 08, 2004

sick tummy :(

Whats up!

Nothing too much going on here just got done watching a couple of movies with Rick and now Im going to go fold laundry and pick up the place because its a mess.

I went to work today and worked for a whole 2 hours. Yeah. Something is wrong with me. Im constantly dizzy and I feel sick to my stomach. My dad just had a flu like this though and a few people at work were complaining about the same sort of thing so my guess would be that somethings going around.

Rick picked me up from work today and we just cuddled on the couch. That boy can make me feel better by doing the littlest of things and thats amazing to me. I ended up falling asleep before the end of the movie but waking up to Rick is a treat everytime. I love him :)

I just got off the phone with Heidi from work. What a sweet girl that is. When I told someone I talked online to people I work with she thought I was crazy. I dont get it I guess. I really do like people I work with, enough to talk online with, enough to call, and hey, enough to spend my time with. Heidi is one of those girls, shes great and she knows if she needs anything Im here.

Well, Im off to go do whatever I need to do and then Im off to bed because Im waking up with Rick for his doctors appointment.

*Jill

Friday, August 06, 2004

Im sleeping in tomorrow!

I got tomorrow off!! :) *Sorry Heidi* I called Chris and he took my shift, thank God. I havent been really feeling that well today and I just wanted tomorrow off. Call me selfish, call me whatever you want, but I have the day off tomorrow and I am happy! Only problem is my hours this week are down to like 21. Oh well. I worked 40 last week and 40 next week so having a slow week for me is okay, Im not about to complain. I cant just work. If you want to do something call me :)

Tonight I had a wonderful shift, I loved pretty much everyone there. Heidi and Ang are wicked fun people to work with so that made the night go by much faster, especially when all we did was laugh. I think we annoyed a few people just because when I laugh a lot I dont work so yeah, I need to work on that. Nights like these make me want to work there, just too bad we didnt have like *assigned* work groups because if Heidi and Ang were in mine, I would work 40 hours with no complaints.

Well, Im going to grab a quick bowl of cereal and head to bed. Ricks already sleeping his head away and Im just going to go in a cuddle him a bit. I wonder if guys need that, cuddling I mean. I know that means a lot to me, and I mean Rick has told me that it does but I really wonder you know? Okay, maybe Im having an off moment.

Night.

*Jill

Late Night Monopoly and Pizza

Blah, Im tired.

Last night Jennifer and Josh came upstairs around 945 to play Monopoly. If you didnt know, Jennifer is Ricks older sister, Josh is her boyfriend, and they live in the first floor apartment under us. The game went to about 1AM and Rick won, of course. Jen was the bank and kept putting money into her own, not even realizing it. I definitely think she needed to go to bed. It did seem odd that she had over 1500 dollars :)

So, its about 11 now and I just woke up. I have to work 4-10 tonight and I dont want to whatsoever. Im just not feeling well and there will be no way that someone will take this shift so yep, Im going to work. I open tomorrow too so that sucks. I was thinking of trying to find someone to take that shift instead, so maybe, just maybe, that is what I will try to do.

Me working though I think has really formed some rifts in my relationships so to speak. I dont see my friends nearly as muchas I thought I would and I think there are a few of them that are getting pissed about it. I work 30-40 hours a week AND live in Waterville and they get upset if I dont make plans or go out of my way to see them. Come on. Its a two way street you know? Danielle is the only one who has called me this summer on a regular occasion and its great to at least talk to someone time to time you know? I just wish some of my friends would grow up and realize that Im not living at home and I need to pay for everything here and not get so angry about it. But then again, some of them are just angry because well, they just are. They have to be something right? I dont mean to upset anyone by that, but that is how I feel. You get upset that people make plans without you, but you are never the one to make the plans. So make the plans, and hey, invite me if you want. It just sucks when you IM someone online and get one word responses, if any response at all.

Well, Im going to get going. I need to find another class to take in the fall and if I dont do it soon, there will be no classes left to take.


*Jill

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Rambling on...and on...

Two times in one day, must be something in the air I tell you.

I was just paying bills, ugh. Its hard to finally come to the realization that I am growing up and that bills are going to become part of my everyday life. It sucks, and I feel like I am constantly behind. I mean, I definitely have never paid anything late ever, but its just like, I wish my credit cards had a balance of zero and I had a checkbook with over $3000 dollars in it. Wishful thinking, I know. Joel got all the money saving genes or something, he has double what I do. Grr.

So my friend Amy is bummed she is in a triple for college, sorry love. Thats kind of one reason Im happy to be in an apartment, because all my stuff is everywhere and Im not confined into this 8x8 room you know? Part of me is wondering if Im missing the 'college experience' but I really dont want to find out. Does that make me weird? Eh. I dont know. I mean, I have made friends at work that are my age and live right near me, like Jenna, and I have made some friends through classes so I dont think that Im all that different than my friends. Im really happy though because finally my life in many ways is settling down. Im not moving anymore, I have a job and Im enrolled full time into college and I seem to be heading down the right path towards a career I look forward to.

So, my endocrinologist appointment is next week and Im nervous as all hell. I really wish that they could give me a definite yes/no answer about the PCOS thing going on in me. I would highly appreciate it just so I could start treatment and try to go on with my life. From what I have been reading in postboards and whatever, the medication to treat this is pretty bad when it comes to side effects so I am really dreading that part of it. If it can enable me to have children in the future, then, I am all for it. Part of me would feel horrible that if in the future I could not, you know, give that part of life to Rick because I know that he really wants it. People have been telling me that I am overreacting, which yeah, I might be but I am scared to death and I dont know what else to do. I mean, I DONT want children right now, no no no, but if it were to happen now, I dont think I would get an abortion or put it up for adoption. That just doesnt seem right to me. I dont know. Maybe Im nuts.

I've been thinking about Allen a lot lately. Ive been praying and hoping that all is well with him, especially where hes in the heart of this war. Its just really scary hearing that countless soldiers die everyday and he could be one of them. Ricks cousin Jeff is over there, and my cousin Becky is being deployed in early September. Oh, I wish this would end now and the world would be peaceful. Like that will ever happen. One can only hope.

Until next time

*Jill

First time..

Hello.

It's been awhile since I've taken the time each day to write down my thoughts, and I have decided that I need to do there where its cleared a lot of my mind and conscious. Life, well. Life is going alright. Nothing amazing or horrible, but just run of the mill okay. My mom just had surgery and shes doing well, thank God. I felt as though these past few days I have morphed into the mother figure and she has taken mine, where I have waited on her hand and foot. She deserves it though. Doing what I have for her really has made me feel as though nursing is the path I should be taking. I believe I thoroughly will enjoy it.

Work sucks, I really dont like it for the most part. I love so many of the people I work with, so I think that is what keeps me going. I enjoy you know, making cakes, and decorating, but working in the stores with the younger kids is very tiring. Working 40 hours there a week feels like 100, especially when I work with people I dislike. I have already started looking for a second job, where 2 of the 3 DQ's close in the fall and I wont get enough hours to support myself. Then I am thinking that next summer I will work both jobs and bring in the cash, because I will need it.

Rick and I are doing alright. I have some issues with some of his habits and some of the items he holds on to. He says I should try to understand and I do try, but I cant try any more because that just doesnt work for me. Im so stubborn and so strong when it comes to things but with this issue, I just melt, want to cry, and I want to go back myself into a corner. I promise I am trying to fix my feelings, but feelings are exactly that, feelings. I cant just change them because I want them to change can I? Its complicated I guess, but then again, that is life for you. I love him, and will continue to love him, but I feel as though this has really made me put up a couple of walls again, and that really bothers me. Him and I will work it out I hope.

School starts up soon. I am right now trying to figure out my schedule. Damn. I signed up for the wrong class and the one I wanted to replace it with is full. Figures. If they make signing up for school so complicated, who says Im going to want to put forth the effort with the classes? Fuck school, let me just win Powerball.

Im out.

*Jill