Thursday, June 30, 2005

nap needed

Its been 11 days and it has gone by fast! I have been out of school almost 2 months, man this sucks. But, to be honest, I havent had much of a summer anyways. Ive been working, and at one of my jobs Im in school learning.. having exams, taking practicals.. its just like I havent left school yet. Ive had a bit of a rough time with some of my friends this past week, which is really disheartening because I havent seen them and its hard. I miss everyone. I feel like I have no time to enjoy this summer. Some people say during the summer theyre bored.. and I cant imagine what that feels like right now. I have Sunday AND Monday off so Im hoping to catch up on my sleep and catch up on my tan.

I got my first exam back, an 87. Not too bad, 2nd highest in the class. Im finding myself to be completely drained when I get home. Its usually an 8+ hour day and then somedays I have to work at Charlies. I think the other girl Jen is going to take my Wednesday shift for me. Its only 3.5 hours and Im working over 40 anyways so I think I'll let her have it. She has no other job right now so she could use the money.

Being an employee of MaineGeneral I get a free gym membership!!! :) I went last night to one right down the road from me and it was a riot. I did the circuit training and they moved sooo fast. Its alright though, I figure I will go every other day. Yesterday I did all the machines and whatnot, tonight Im going to do some miles on the gazelle and then I'll go to the gym either tomorrow night or Saturday. Im working tomorrow until 8 and Saturday until 6 so we'll see. It makes going there a bit hard but I have the gazelle at home so I'll just use that on my between days.

Ive been a bit down lately. Its hard for me to admit that. Have you ever felt like you needed to scream at the top of your lungs to get out all of your frustration but you dont have the strength to do so? Working so much I honestly think has strained Rick and my relationship. Not from his end, he is extremely supportive and sweet with me but I feel like Im constantly snapping and being a bitch and I know I need to stop it but I dont know how. Its like.. Im really tired and have had a hard time working so much and studying and its almost as if I dont have time for anything or anyone else.

Inside of me I want more than anything to curl up with him on the couch and fall asleep in his arms, protected from everything around me in the world, but when I go near him I remember another bill I need to pay, or another chapter I need to read and all goes to hell in this world that I live in.

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