Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Ranting Basically

I am going crazy. I am scrapbooking like I am a middle aged mother. It is obsessive. Why do I let myself become obsessive in these ways I am not really sure of, but when I find something that I love to do I do it and basically will do it until I hate it. It reminds me of when I started cross stitching a baby blanket and tossed it aside when I decided the constant migraines werent worth the frustration of trying to do multiple small squares. Ahhh... I swear ADHD and I are friends and I have it. I get so fixated on one thing then I just go off on another thing. So many of my friends --- and these are close friends mind you ask me if I have ever been tested. They are like you can go on and on about one thing and then boom out of no where you start with something else. I dont know or think I have ADHD.. I just think that my mind is at a constant run and it is running faster than my mouth can go (imagine that!).

The world has been flipped a bit since I last wrote. It is a pattern of my life. Things level out a bit and then boom, something else happens. I wouldnt mind writing and telling people that hey, shit is getting boring and its the same thing day in and day out, but it isnt the case. Bummer. I had two teeth pulled and that sucked. It literally has fucked up my mouth to the point where when I eat I bleed and I have to make sure I chew really slowly. I had these teeth pulled over a week ago and it still hurts. They said things will be sore for awhile but really? No wonder my stomach has been off, all the blood from my mouth going into the stomach.. not to mention that the taste of blood is what triggered me passing out months ago. Seriously? I - NEED - A - BREAK!!!!

Things have been frustrating in certain parts of life. I feel like a failure. I havent finished college... I am not always there for my parents and am not being the daughter I feel they want... and Im not the perfect wife. I am trying to focus and fix what I am doing wrong to be a better person for everyone, especially myself. One day at a time, that is all I can do and try to work on. I cant plan for next week or even tomorrow... just focus on today. I sound like a fortune cookie. Sick.

You know what show is boggling my mind STILL even after it being almost 3 hours since I watched it? LOST. Literally... I think that is what they want you to feel when you watch that show. I punched Rick twice while watching it tonight because of my amount of sheer lost-ness. They are trying to pull everything in and end it all in 5 episodes and I find myself needing to take notes to get one episode to the next. AHHHHH. I did indeed take excedrin before I watched that because I use my mind way too much trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

Alright, I am done.. I think I might scrapbook more. I still have a ton more wedding photos to use but I dont know if I have the ambition. I feel like watching a scary movie. Well, no movies really scare me, but a horror movie to be more precise. Who knows, I might fall asleep early. Okay, that is a lie but I tried.

I might write later... if I do I do.. if I dont I dont.

Until then..

~J

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