Friday, May 15, 2009

The past always resurfaces

This new medicine is driving me crazy. I get moments where I am super down and sad... and then I go back to right where I usually feel, an upbeat happy chipper girl. It is frustrating and sad at the same time. I didnt honestly realize I was going through this but Rick told me I was having a "Bi-Polar" moment when I posted a song lyric from Linkin Park on my facebook. Said it was a cry for attention and to be honest, it wasnt a cry for attention, it was just how I felt at that time. I wont make excuses for my feelings, I wont because I dont pretend to be something Im not but I was told this medication I am using to help with the epilepsy could make *old* feelings and symptoms of my past resurface and I hope that this isnt the case. I kind of want to make people tell me if they notice something .. like a change in my personality.. you know? I shared one of my blogs that not everyone can see to Mia.. to let her know where I come from.. what I have gone through.. and its ... well my past is simply that. It is the past and I am what I am.. I have done what I have done and I cant go and undo that. Even though it is an amazing though that poof... 2 years ago I could have undone all this... but really what would life be like? I certainly know I wouldnt be the person I am today and to be honest with you... I really am starting to like the person I am. Each day is a new opportunity to better yourself and I completely believe that and tomorrow is a another day.
All my love to all of those who have held me up when I havent had the strength to do it myself.
~J

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