Thursday, February 10, 2011

green.monster

I've been in a bit of a slump. Is it weird to feel jealous and happy at the same time? It's crazy. When I see pregnant women around me smiling, happy, thrilled for the fact they are bringing in another life into this world, I share in their happiness but long to experience the same feeling. It's just an odd feeling to try to explain to people, so... I don't try. I believe that it will happen when the time is right, but sometimes I wonder... when is the time going to be right? How many more times can my body fail me? I don't even know. It can make one person not feel like a woman if that begins to shed light on how I feel. I can see these single girls that have no idea who their baby's daddy is... and they get knocked up a few times and live off the system... and they live their life and I.. well.. I'm married to my best friend, live in a nice apartment and want nothing more to take our relationship to the next level and bring a life into this world. I just hope that it is in the cards for me.

I've been looking at a lot of different options and different interventions to help with fertility and I am hoping to benefit from what I am implementing. I think for the most part I have a good set of doctors and whatnot, and of course there are changes in myself that I need to make. I am just hoping and praying that in the next 2ish years we will figure it out and I will get pregnant.

Alright enough of that. It's hard to try to be positive but I am trying for sure.

Ugh, I start writing and insert a huge migraine. Blah.

School has been increasingly difficult. It's hard. It's very writing intensive and I don't mind that aspect of it, but the assignments are completely abstract and aren't exactly correlating with the curriculum. It kind of confuses me, but I will get it straight. I'm a straight forward thinker for the most part and these papers and assignments literally stump me to the point where I have to put it away.

I need to put the laptop away... maybe schedule some stuff out for school.. 2 papers and 3 journal entries due by Sunday, all while helping my sister in law move. phew.

No comments: