before you

my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason. ….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything ~ New Moon

~*~
It has been awhile since I have written so I figured that I might as well take a moment and write some stuff down. Work is crazy and I find myself getting headaches constantly, not because of listening to angry people on the phones or searching for answers to questions that I honestly have no idea what the answers are.. but looking at the damn computer like that without my glasses has been killing my head. I couldnt find them ANYWHERE and then boom, I found them in my tissue box. Dont ask me how the hell they got there but I am so happy I found them. I hope this coming week will be better now that I have them headache wise. When it comes to dealing with angry people, I will be fine with it but sometimes it is nice to get a chance to get off the phones at work. I would so rather be teaching classes and stuff but of course in order to get to that point I need to know my stuff and put in the time so I can move forward in the company. I am a work in progess.

Saturday was horrible. I went with my brother and we put our cat Tom down. I cried for hours after because we both opted to stay in the room until he was gone. He was going into kidney failure and had lost most of the fur on his head and it was progessing down his neck.. so my mom decided that it was time and the vet reaffirmed that choice when he saw Tom. I looked into Tom's eyes as the doc was getting ready to give him the injection and I just kept repeating 'I love you, go sleep, I love you, take care of Cher, I love you, I love you' and then... he passed. I tear up even writing this shit right now. He lived a long and happy life but saying goodbye is never easy, even when you know... that it is the best decision. Having an animal suffer is never okay and I knew he would be if we prolonged it. I will miss him, very much so. See you in Heaven Tom. I Love you so so much.

~*~
In 9 months Rick and I are getting married, it is insane. Amy slapped me in the face with reality that hey, I am going to be a wife etc and that I have a handful of stuff to do. We have the reception site, ceremony location, caterer, cake baker, and possibly a photographer and dj -- right now those are the 2 things I am looking to secure because they are very important. I also need to get down to Portland to look at dresses with my mom and try some on, maybe even find the *one* and take a look at bridesmaids dresses. I think for the first time to try on dresses I want to be just my mom and I then I will go down with my ladies. It's exciting and makes me nervous all at the same time, I hope I find one that I LOVE. I also wrote the engagement announcement which we need to get submitted to the paper and we have already picked out our invitations so I have pretty much priced out things. I like to have everything on paper and seeing totals so I have some sort of idea of what I am getting into, haha. Its also good that Rick and I have bought most of our decorations for the reception already so thats one aspect we dont have to really worry about. I love our theme oh so so so much I can't wait! We have lots to do still but we have done alright so far!

I never would have imagined how much effort would go into a day to celebrate Rick and my love... and all I can honestly think about is wanting it to happen so him and I can move into the next real step of our lives together, as man and wife. Wow. Maybe the cold feet moments are over? haha. Alright I am going to keep watching one of the best movies ever and am going to look at starting some wedding registries and possibly more vows/readings even though I have picked out some!

Greys Anatomy is 2 hours tonight, I'm excited. Crazy how the smallest things can make me happy!




original post date 2/5/09